Getting Bored...

hai...xtau la..hati ni makin lama mcm makin rasa xde apa2 plak.  Salah aku ke? Salah dia ke? Dia xde nk ckp pe2 pn...komplen pn tak...abes cemano? bhy ni bl aku da mula rs b0san...  xnk la bnd2 x bek happen. xde ms da utk bnd2 mcm ni.  cuba utk x fikir kn sgt...mmg x leh fikir sgt pn.  nti jd desperate plak.... tp  dlm xnk jd desperate tu, i'm more likely to be like that.  oh no, desperate??? xnk lah!  malu.  tp slh ke klu desperate? ke, aku je yg ngada2 sbb tgk org len da step ahead, tp aku tang tu gak?  knp lak nk ikut org len kan? your time will come itself... (part of myself says) well, bila difikir2 balik, bila dinilai pd dr sndr, aku sndr pn x sure yg aku ni leh hidup dgn org len utk sepanjang hidup aku.  but on the other hand, i do not want to live alone as im getting older soon n very soon...  i love families... but the idea to have my own fam, i'm confused for sometime!  dgn all relationships yg aku lalui xde yg tunjuk ke arah yg positif, this new 1 i really hope i can make it...but it seems like, im gonna lose again.  im afraid i'll be giving up.  relationship before this pn, semuanya aku yg give up dulu, of course it base on some reasons yg make me really2 sick with that 'man'! so, is the problem beginning from me?  or maybe i just expecting too much perfections in a relationship while me, myself isn't good enough for it?  well, i've posted a similar thing about this before this.  but i stand still until today... i'm wondering why... =) i guess still have faith in him.  but by the time i post this, i'm so blur.  because i'm completely don't feel anything for 'him'.  ghosh!~ help me. i just don't want to leave anyone anymore.  i've done it for several times, and yeah...shame on me.  what if someday people do the same way to me???  wake up dahlia, forget your dreams...run for the real!~